The Bedroom Philosopher

As the end of the year approaches, there are plenty of those crappy Christmas CDs beginning to make their way off shelves and into the stockings of those non-the-wiser of how terrible they really are. And in the very move which has marked the definitive end to the career of many an artist, and joining the current Christmas crop that includes Bieber himself, Justin Heazlewood aka The Bedroom Philosopher has released a disc of Christmas tunes. They’re not your run of the mill Chrissie favourites, though – Heazlewood has a pretty warped sense of humour.

Before the Philosopher himself came out to play, a short but very sweet set was delivered by the RMIT Occasional Chorale. The wildly mismatched posse lined themselves up all the way across the NSC stage, and with carol books in hand delivered a variety of festive staples. The Chorale had a real loveable quirk in their act, and clearly loved their vocal get-togethers; pumping fists and stomping their way excitedly through a closing rendition of the Australian Chorale Association National Anthem.

In The Bedroom Philosopher’s spirit of taking the piss out of Christmas, some pretty awful renditions appeared between the RMIT Chorale and himself – everything from the Aussie rewrites, vintage hip hop style and cock rock carols.

Appearing on stage in probably the most hideous Christmas getup he could find, The Bedroom Philosopher was quick to show his cynicism toward the jolly end of December, announcing it the season of giving and sharing, then clarifying that comment with, “giving shit and file sharing.” All signs pointed to a night of twisted carols, and this was certainly on the way; but the set began as an unthemed affair.

Heazlewood’s knack if for imitations and observation, and he was all about demonstrating such, with an all-too-real impersonation of the Bundaberg bogans around Dandenong, a quizzical number about what SBS News actually mean by the term “International Community”, and a track dedicated to the awkward “hand shake hug” that men end up doing when one wants a hand shake and the other a hug. You wouldn’t go to see The Bedroom Philosopher for his voice, but for what he lacks in vocals he makes up for with one liners. Better yet, he makes exceptional use of other people’s one liners, and his rewritten Northcote (So Hungover) demonstrated this perfectly, as Heazlewood used only comments posted on the video’s Youtube link so show how moronically hilarious other people can be.

Back to the Christmas side of things, the set was scattered with a few one minute re-works; but the awkwardly long numbers were the more amusing. Embarrassed by his decision to rework The 12 Days of Christmas, Heazlewood and the RMIT Chorale managed to turn a terrible choice into a joyous sing along, with lines such as “My ex-girlfriend gave to me eight maids milking (at gunpoint) / seven swans swimming (in their own blood)” and the whole room sing along of “five mouldy things” (it took people a while to get past the stupidity of it all, but eventually every time it came around the room joined it). Finally, Heazlewood’s invention of ‘Jazz Santa’ rounded off his set in excellent form, with a shaded Santa making his appearance to fill us all in on his “jaunty banter” and “nog, if you want to decanter”.

Writing a review about The Bedroom Philosopher’s whacky inventions he calls songs will inevitably lead to a few “guess you had to be there” moments. Luckily there are two more Tuesday residencies coming up for you to check out.

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