MTV's The Lair

Tonight I was to review a bunch of bands that had turned out for MTV’s weekly ‘The Lair’ Programme, featuring Temper Tap, Cut off your Hands, Snowman and SPOD. The show will showcase a handful of bands from the local and international scene, airing from Sydney’s The Metro Theatre.

Since I’ve never been on a TV set before, I was curious as to how everything works. This is what I saw:

Walking through a side-door, I climbed I very steep set of stairs. They opened out into a kind of cavern, with about three stages dotted here and there, a tiny bar (augmented by the regular metro foyer bar further back), sets of stairs on either side of the stage with a catwalk joining them, surmounted by yet another stage. On either side were some silvery poles.

Did I forget to mention the stripper poles?

Yes, stripper poles. And I would soon find out why, as a couple of nubile ladies in purple spangly leotards made excellent use of them.

As the free booze began to flow (goon, beer, and Jager + Red Bull) we were cattle-prodded into the space around one of the stages, with yours truly gaining a spot on one of the stairs, dangerously close to a stripper’s eight-inch transparent spike heels. Here we were treated to the first song of the night, by Fremantle act Snowman. One song was played, the band de-instrumented, and everyone dispersed – generally in the direction of the free booze. That’s TV for you, I guess.

That first set was followed by a handful of others by Cut Your Hands Off, SPOD and The Temper Trap, cameras zooming overhead, with much arse-shaking (mainly by the strippers) and corporate-rock-sponsered drunkenness. Each song was on a different stage. The bands mentioned played their minor radio-hits, and since telling one rocker from another is like telling separate cans of Heinz Baked Beans from each other, I have no idea which were which. And, as were were holding up the entry of paying civilians to Yo La Tengo, we were cattle-herded out into the fresh city air, comfortably drunk at MTV’s expense. Do I feel dirty? Oh yes.

And thus, the review ends.

Want to get involved? Go to The Metro’s side entrance at 6pm every Thursday. Yes, it’s that easy. It’s a great way to kick off your it’s-almost-Friday party.

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